My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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