I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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