Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
