So drunk its hurt
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
