I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
