Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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