Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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