we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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