If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
