I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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