we have officially lost it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
