Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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