Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
