i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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