return my video game
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
