I can tuck mytits in my pants
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
