remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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