I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
