Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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