You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
