I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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