So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
