Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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