Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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