when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
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