That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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