alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
