I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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