If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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