I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
