nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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