Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
