i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
