Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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