There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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