i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize