Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
