Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So many bounce houses so little time
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
