you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
