so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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