I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
