so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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