haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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