I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She said her name was "party"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
