what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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