Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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