Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
