Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
