Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's Friday. Sex?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
