I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
