his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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