My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
