What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
