People in love make me want to vomit
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My life is pants optional.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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