Me too!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were destined to go to rehab together
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
