If i come over, it means nothing
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
