Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
