I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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