I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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