Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
