so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
