I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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