On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
