Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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