your thong is hanging out like whoa
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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