So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
