I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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