I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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