you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
