Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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